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spending summer in a top-floor apartment whose master tenant never put in a single morsel of sun protection sucks. getting bronchitis during this period ranks among one of the least bearable experiences of my life.

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i refuse to say most things properly

this light emitting thing? lormp

this cold cupboard? frinsh

this platform? moostdm

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“Hey there”

*suddenly whispering in your ear*

“can I LICK YOUR SOLE?”

my birthday went fine

didn't have to use my AK

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Ugh, I just made the most amazing vegetarian taco pie

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the bride is a fucking weird and filthy semen gremlin

I had noticed he was aggressively clutching some coins in line but I guess I just thought "money stuff is related"

a very sweaty tourist ahead of me in the ATM line took very little time, then said go ahead to me. I asked him in German if it was OK, and he responded forlornly in English: "It doesn't take coins"

I said "yep, it's an ATM"

He said sorrowfully "then how do I buy a ticket?"

I directed him to the ticket machines which I hope he didn't try to extract money from

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Hey, I have a blind friend who might want to join us on the Fediverse. Does anyone have a guide to accessibility etc that might be more useful than me just sending her a link to an instance?

typo notwithstanding, i do what Dr. Joint Pain tells me to, because of what i know they are capable of

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"cat hazmat burger!!" -my friends mom trying to give an example of a meme

'The trouble is that some children are timorous and some children are reckless, and in order to save the lives of reckless children, warnings are calibrated for their safety, the result of which is that the timorous live in a state of perpetual terror. What I needed to be told is, "You know what? Most days, you won’t die. It’s fine."' -- David Mitchell

the vibe of this particular morning in Berlin I would describe as "sprowf"

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The Matrix is unrealistic because it's a movie where a black man and a woman tell a straight white man that everything he knows is wrong, and he just accepts that.

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Fun fact: each book scanned for the Internet Archive has a unique identifier, usually the title of the item, or its first 16 characters; the volume number, or 00 if there isn't one; and the first 4 characters of the author. So:

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Spanner Works

Expats, those who have left their home towns, travelers and freaks are especially welcome.