Pinned toot

I love you so
you show me things I want to know
you help me make my way round town
and every week I burn you down

Pinned toot
Pinned toot

spider plant, spider plant

does whatever a spider can't

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starting to realize that when I run out of spoons, it's often because I am inadvertently running a fucking Spoon Library, with 80% of the stock checked out to others at any given moment... and no overdue fees.

datn ✅ boosted
datn ✅ boosted

not that it wouldn't be fucking 100% on the nose for product messaging aimed at Germans

I strongly believe that the slogan on this package of tea is saying, "With our product you see what you're drinking, and it also makes you poop a lot."

German speakers, please help me come to an alternate conclusion! I cannot unsee this winking, highly scatological interpretation.

on opening my second package of the tea today, I finally noticed the slogan on the box:

last year I found a quite tasty variety of loose green tea at a local supermarket and just finished my first big packet of it. the packets are cardboard boxes with a big window displaying the loose tea for the drinker's contemplation through the wall of the plastic bag inside.

seriously why do people text from completely unknown numbers for the first time in months/years and only say "Hey!"

got no time or desire to Columbo this shit

it's weird how I used to hate Sundays and now I deeply relish the arrival of a Sunday so I can hide myself away inside it like it's a goddamn tauntaun nautilus

datn ✅ boosted

Boost this toot and I will tell you your level of divorced energy

even though I have a fever, I have to leave the apartment in order to cool off and get even a breath of fresh air.


spending summer in a top-floor apartment whose master tenant never put in a single morsel of sun protection sucks. getting bronchitis during this period ranks among one of the least bearable experiences of my life.

datn ✅ boosted

i refuse to say most things properly

this light emitting thing? lormp

this cold cupboard? frinsh

this platform? moostdm

datn ✅ boosted

“Hey there”

*suddenly whispering in your ear*


my birthday went fine

didn't have to use my AK

datn ✅ boosted

Ugh, I just made the most amazing vegetarian taco pie

datn ✅ boosted

the bride is a fucking weird and filthy semen gremlin

I had noticed he was aggressively clutching some coins in line but I guess I just thought "money stuff is related"

a very sweaty tourist ahead of me in the ATM line took very little time, then said go ahead to me. I asked him in German if it was OK, and he responded forlornly in English: "It doesn't take coins"

I said "yep, it's an ATM"

He said sorrowfully "then how do I buy a ticket?"

I directed him to the ticket machines which I hope he didn't try to extract money from

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Expats, those who have left their home towns, travelers and freaks are especially welcome.